A little while ago I wrote this post for this cool blog.
Now I decided to post a shorter version here.
The world is going to end this year. Maybe you thought this was going to be a happy post, but instead it’s a really sad post because I just told you the world is going to end.
However, you can still turn this year into a great year.
That’s what this post is all about.
I don’t believe the world is going to end this year. It is not funny, it’s not practical and it’s stupid.
Think about it, the Mayans said the world is going to end on December 21st, 2012. How stupid is that? They could have said the 27th, because I still want Christmas presents.
Even though I don’t believe the world is going to end, I want to be nice to those of you who do believe it is all going to end this year. I will give you great advice to make the best of this year.
It is ridiculously important you carefully follow my instructions.
1.Forget the diet you’re on, the world is going to end.
Why waste your time eating like a rabbit? Why worry about your waist, your booty or your belly? You can finally let all the fat hang. If you have it, flaunt it.
Nobody cares about your butt when the end is there. They won’t look at your butt, I promise. So no more lettuce, kale, and peas. You can actually eat crisps all day. And while you’re at it, it tastes really good with chocolate. Do not restrain the yearnings of your heart.
2.If you are a guy then I’m pretty sure you don’t worry as much about your belly.
You drink beer every night and eat pizza while watching soccer. Your belly is already huge. Good, this year is all about what YOU want.
3. Get a loan.
Think big. Go for at least a billion dollars. The world is going to end.
Get the loan and say you will start paying off your debt as of the 22nd of December.
When you get the loan, give me half of the money, just as a way of saying ‘Thank you, Ruthie!’
With the rest of the money you can buy yourself a nice little house on the prairie where it’s really pretty. I will visit the penguins of Antarctica.
4. Schedule your Christmas celebration on the 20th.
Do whatever you need to do to not miss out on your Christmas presents. Write notes and letters to every single person you know, even if you don’t like them. Tell them you want to celebrate Christmas on the 20th.
To save money yourself, tell them you didn’t buy them anything, because you have a HUGE surprise for them, they will find out when it’s Christmas. That way they will be extremely excited because they know you are rich (remember the 1 billion dollars?) and I’m sure they can’t wait.
5. Sleep in as much as you want. Sleep in a lot.
If you have a job, don’t go to work. It’s okay if you get fired. Who cares, right? The world is going to end.
Sleep in, dream nice dreams, get some rest. Just don’t sleep in on the 21st. You don’t want to miss out on the huge end of the world event, right?! Wake up early to see the end with your own eyes. It will be so much fun!
Oh and when you’re up early, watching from your bedroom window, staring into the great sky, waiting for something to drop from the sky and you notice you’ve been standing and staring for at least 23 hours…and you realize the end still hasn’t come, then I’m sure you start freaking out.
Because there you are, nice and cute, huge, fat belly fully of crisps and chocolate, a huge loan, tons of people waiting for your exciting Christmas present and out of a job… Oops!
Don’t blame me, I told you I didn’t believe in it!